A real-world teacher weighs in on the game’s dark humor


Photo of Head Teacher Jason Malarkey, from Campus Two Points, with Happiness and Energy firmly in the red, shoulders slumped, trudging towards the staff room. He just needs to sit on the battered couch and consume Cheesy Gubbins from the vending machine for a short while. He lectured on the subject of how to spin a basketball on his finger for an entire month. Of course, with no money to hire extra teachers, I intercept him in the hallway, literally pluck him from the sky, and dump him in a tutoring room, to work correctively with a student who wasn’t paying attention during class. .

This anecdote is, of course, taken from the facetious new business management simulator from Two Point Studios, Two-point campus. I have been a music teacher for twenty years, the last eight of which in higher education establishments. Is there anything more cathartic (and hilarious) than a tactile, relatable engagement with a video game that fully understands your work?

Education has been a little too much recently – especially thanks to Covid, with careful and creative management needed to stretch resources. It’s not that I really know anything manager a university, of course. I am at the forefront of education; primarily helping game composition students understand why their synths don’t loop seamlessly, among other important things. Nevertheless, I have certainly experienced what it is like to be sent back to class without proper rest; and it’s really not funny at all.

Sorry Jason.

Lily: Two Point Campus Review – Extremely Cool for School

As a parent who also has two children (and a teaching partner) in state schools, I have complex ideas about the distribution of resources for education in Australia. For example, is the plunge pool (partially funded by taxpayers) planned for the King’s School principal’s residence really serving our state’s most important educational goals, or just a little swimming? If the “plunging pool” was an unlockable item in Two-point campus, I would laugh, but probably not without bitterness. If nothing else, this game is a powerful opportunity to be in charge of the dosh, for once, and think about the logistics of this difficult but rewarding profession in a half-hilarious, half-not-so-funny way. at all”. .

Size Matters

Capacity is a major concern for schools. If you’re lucky, the knockdowns are dumped on the oval, when Year 8 gets too big. If you’re not lucky, you make music outside. Having played (truly too much) the previous game from Two Point Studios, Two Points Hospitalone of the first things i noticed Campus was that the space feels different, out of necessity.

In Hospital, nothing is right. This was one of the best jokes in the game. A building could be 11 by 13 tiles, but the minimum dimensions for each clinic were an unwieldy combination of 3, 4, and 5. Usually a small room in Hospital was functional and fairly easy to decorate, for prestige, so there was no impetus to expand it.

In Two-point campus, most halls need to be duplicated and expanded, usually at the start of each year as new cohorts arrive, and established cohorts require additional equipment. You can create a 1 by 2 tiled bathroom, or a 2 by 2 dorm, but why? Longer rooms allow for more beds, as they are slightly narrower than a tile. Students seem happy to squirm awkwardly under the covers, via the foot of a bed, if its sides aren’t clear.

Since students do not own beds and only use one at random, whenever they get tired I was going to gag on the ‘hotbedding’. Then I read that bed sharing, via allocated sleeping hours, is a reality that affects up to 3% of international students in Australia. My respect for international students skyrockets every time I hear these stories and I’m sorry I don’t know that already.

two point campus tricks trick gameplay
Screenshot: GamesHub

Curiously, I miss playing in the gym Tetris’, especially because I gave lessons in unlikely places. Imagine your saxophone teacher (me), feet on cricket stumps, softball helmet perched comically on his head, sheet music balancing on a gym mat, making the most of a teaching environment and learning it was literally a sports closet (an experience that, in retrospect, might have actually been a hazing ritual). The acoustics of this sports closet were terrible.

I think I did a good job of roommate Campus, prioritizing flexibility to the point of removing the entire marketing department and replacing it with a temporary gym whenever marketing takes a break. Incidentally, this is an area that Two-point campus is wrong – marketing people have unlimited energy in real life. They are found in the corridors, muttering “chips and cans”, occasionally shouting “cheeseboard”, long after all the other staff are gone for the day.


Relatable humor underpins all aspects of Two-point campus, sure. Consider the incredible description of the coffee table in the staff room; ‘found in a dumpster’. And the administrator, who absolutely roasts the students in an exasperated (but affectionate) way. “Stupid questions will make you look stupid” is something a teacher would never say. Instead, I assure my students that there are no stupid questions, while fantasizing about Cheesy Gubbins and smart questions.

Campus also riffs on music education (my favorite area), especially on the Upper Etching campus. I’m used to students inventing weird instruments, like in the musicality class here. There is strong precedent for such experimentation, thanks to composers like John Cage – prepared pianos etc. I mean, if there’s a kick drum, why not have a punch drum in your kit as well? It’s logic. The tromborgan, however, goes too far. I’m not sure they could have chosen two more rabid and aesthetically unpleasant instruments to force together like a portmanteau.

Regarding Upper Etching’s new course; Countercultural studies, I would say music students are not everything estranged from mainstream society. Some, yes, God loves them, that’s why it’s funny – but all of them? Do musical institutions teach counterculture in real life? It’s an uncomfortable question. No education, especially the creative arts, is devoid of values, or exempt from broader social responsibility. I plan content and delivery thoughtfully, even keeping my fingers crossed that students feel comfortable forming opinions about their practice, on their own terms.

Upper Etching is the generic campus because they don’t believe students pay for arts education, which is another weighty position. If I understood correctly how this level works correctly, you get paid $2000 each time a student upgrades. But you’re cultivating them for Bungle Records as money-making units, not as artists. As a music teacher, it’s both hugely entertaining and an existential crisis.

Friends forever

On a brighter note, the most striking difference between Two-point campus and Hospital must be the emphasis on social interaction. In Hospital, patients endured the shame and agony of just their puffy heads, before being healed or dying (still alone) in a hallway. In Campusyou’ll see students chatting on a bench, holding hands, and joining useful clubs, like brisk walking or energy napping – and let’s not talk about Orb, the money-generating pyramid scheme, which causes misfortune or can -being, cult.

two point campus review game

Students begin their relationships at the tables in the Student Union (which is actually a bar), then progress to the gaming tables and eventually the water cooler, where the Giga Chums are made, in addition to the hydration being satisfied – I must love these space-saving, versatile objects.

In real life, I like to see my students forming friendships. They support each other creatively, master difficult tool sets together, and attend gaming events, game jams, and more. Teacher professional development often focuses on how to facilitate collaboration, but I find that games and music education naturally lend themselves to such opportunities.

I care more about my campuses than my hospitals. I even learned the names of individuals, pored over their stats, and went to great lengths (at Jason’s expense) to make sure the “at risk” ones didn’t fail. In Hospital, death simply meant hiring a Ghostbuster, and deceased patients paid their bills. In Two-point campus, school perseverance is based on their happiness and their sociability, and I invest myself more in their success. Caring, ultimately, is a powerful motivator.

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With care

And so, we conclude with the great catch of teaching in real life; the precise and varied mechanics of its delivery create a perfect storm of benevolence, so when the going gets tough, teachers work harder, for the sake of their students. This proves that we box being stretched, sometimes in response to acute crises, like Covid – sometimes simply because the sports closet is literally the only “room” available on Tuesdays, thus compromising long-term sustainability and healthy working practices.

What happened to Jason? Has he ever had a break? No. I fired him because he was “blind” and prone to littering. This reveals that (as a manager) I am not committed to creating a workplace that is accessible to the blind and that I don’t Appreciate the hiring of adequate housekeeping staff – though I promise you that’s just an in-game answer. In real life, accessibility and non-teaching staff are key.

It’s probably for the best that I have exactly zero real-world ambition to handle education. I don’t want to decide who gets the plunge pool and who gets the closet. I am a teacher forever.

Two-point campus is too real, but laughter is healthy. At least there is no marking.


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